Finally, beware the man who doesn’t notice what you said in your profile. They look at your picture, or they like something you said, but from that moment on, your clearly expressed, carefully articulated wishes are subsumed into his lengthy discussion of….himself.
He may seem endearing, attempting to turn you into a soulmate, but like anyone who is clearly more interested in snowing than in knowing you, remember: A soulmate is interested in connecting; in creating a relationship.
Paul Getty Museum paid nearly 10 million dollars for a marble statue from the 6th century BC.
For more than a year, and prior to purchasing the statue, the Getty subjected the statue to numerous scientific analyses to establish its authenticity.
Speed-dating is another intriguing example of rapid cognition.
The speed-daters make instant decisions about whether or not they like someone based on things such as: she had a tongue piercing, or he gave me a red rose, or he had a southern accent. But this sort of “thin-slicing” (decision-making based on a thin slice of information) happens all the time.
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They couldn’t pinpoint exactly what was wrong, but they said it just didn’t “look right.” More than a year of study and scientific analyses had failed to reveal what the art experts grasped in two seconds—it was a fraud.
What is happening here, explains Malcolm Gladwell in his book, , which takes place in our adaptive unconscious.
This is not the dark, seedy subconscious of Freud, replete with Oedipal complexes.
When Angela “met” Tim online—that is, when he first responded to her profile—she got a fluttery feeling in her stomach that she wasn’t sure was excitement or warning. Trusting your (online) gut requires a self-knowledge, though, that wasn’t expected before first impressions came to you with no real person attached. I pass them on in the hope that they spare you the exhaustion that can come from too many hours online with too many men who aren’t truly available, men who will only sap your strength, men who are looking for something, someone, other than you. Tim, for example, was subtly accusing Angela—already, before he’d met her yet —of doing something wrong by not following his sexual timetable. “Didn’t anyone ever teach you it’s bad manners not to reply? Angela said goodbye at that second online interaction. Baring his soul to someone he hasn’t met (and who hasn’t asked) is telling you something: He’s not interested in whether you want to hear it or not.
So Angela, who felt uncomfortable already, at the same time read his pushiness as healthy male interest, so she overrode her gut feeling and proceeded to the next step. If ever there were a form of introduction that required a woman to trust her gut about a guy, it’s meeting in cyberspace. Here are a few tips culled from women who have been there, done that…. Another woman tells of a guy who kept claiming she was being “rude” to him by not answering his letters within an hour or two.
When it comes to romance, déjà vu can be a powerful affirmation that you're doing just what you're supposed to be doing in the moment. Is the song "Don't Go Breaking My Heart" trying to tell you something about that "bad boy" you're crazy in lust with at the moment? This is when you're tuned in to an event that's happening right now, but in a different place.